evidently, i am your own worst enemy, unknowingly the puppet master to your happiness. like my kids who cry out when they fall, looking for someone other than themselves to blame, "you made me fall!" or in this case, "you keep me from being happy with myself!"
i hear you. i am partially to blame. i do not verbally tell you enough i love you, or that im thinking of you. to be honest, when i bring home something i know you want, or have mentioned in passing, or when i find something that i think you will appreciate, i assume you will connect the dots that i listen to you and i love you and was thinking of you when i purchased or picked these things out. contrary to popular belief, actions do not speak louder than words.
unfortunately, thinking in this moment as i type, i have allowed you to be my own worst enemy.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
the randomness of coffee and immigration
im sitting on the edge of lake michigan watching the spotty clouds race across the sky while waves spark beams of light that have escaped through the clouds. a beautiful respite from the week of family camping in 35 mph winds and cold weather. im contemplating the turmoil that is nature, and turn to my son "what do you think the indians thought the first time they saw ships coming across the horizon?" my ten year old shrugged, "i dont know". which started my soap box rant about neil young's "cortez the killer" and imperialism and immigration. i didnt really know if my son was listening, until he asked,
"so who cares if people from other places come here to live?"
me "well, i think people are afraid that what we did to the indians could happen to us (sarcastically), but actually its a big issue. many people are worried that immigrants take jobs from citizens, and our unemployment rate is pretty high, so more people means less and less jobs for people already here."
son (much like his father) "so if people are coming here, that means nobody is there. doesnt that make for a good opportunity to go there and have a job?" (i am really proud of him at this point, and could ponder that for awhile, but think it best to continue talking)
me "thats a great possibility, but people here make a lot more money. we can work 1 hour and get paid more than many people make in a whole day in other places. which is somewhat why i started doing coffee. many pickers make only $2-$3 per day, so im doing my best to make sure the farmers can make enough money so that they dont feel like they need to leave their homes in order to make a proper living"
son "how do you do that?"
me "by giving people who drink coffee, the best cup of coffee they have ever had. i guess i believe that people will pay more for higher quality. so if i can continue to help farmers develop more and more quality in their coffee, i can continue to pay them more." (i pause long enough to let my mind consider all of the questions that my own answers were bringing up in my mind. evidently, it was too long of a pause)
son "wanna skip rocks?"
me "yeah, sounds like a lot more fun doesnt it."
"so who cares if people from other places come here to live?"
me "well, i think people are afraid that what we did to the indians could happen to us (sarcastically), but actually its a big issue. many people are worried that immigrants take jobs from citizens, and our unemployment rate is pretty high, so more people means less and less jobs for people already here."
son (much like his father) "so if people are coming here, that means nobody is there. doesnt that make for a good opportunity to go there and have a job?" (i am really proud of him at this point, and could ponder that for awhile, but think it best to continue talking)
me "thats a great possibility, but people here make a lot more money. we can work 1 hour and get paid more than many people make in a whole day in other places. which is somewhat why i started doing coffee. many pickers make only $2-$3 per day, so im doing my best to make sure the farmers can make enough money so that they dont feel like they need to leave their homes in order to make a proper living"
son "how do you do that?"
me "by giving people who drink coffee, the best cup of coffee they have ever had. i guess i believe that people will pay more for higher quality. so if i can continue to help farmers develop more and more quality in their coffee, i can continue to pay them more." (i pause long enough to let my mind consider all of the questions that my own answers were bringing up in my mind. evidently, it was too long of a pause)
son "wanna skip rocks?"
me "yeah, sounds like a lot more fun doesnt it."
Monday, November 15, 2010
My Space
so, i have a blog. ive thought about it for a long time. a place to have thoughts. a place without boundaries. i dont know if i really feel safe enough to completely deny my filter, but ill try.
i am becoming more enlightened. or, by stating it, does this mean i am becoming less enlightened? maybe i am becoming more aware of myself. i truly think the human condition is a need to be loved and accepted for our individuality, as it is, at every moment...and if we could perceive ourselves as complete in our fucked-upness, the world would be a better place. this is my path. to be ok with my shit, past present and future.
i am becoming more enlightened. or, by stating it, does this mean i am becoming less enlightened? maybe i am becoming more aware of myself. i truly think the human condition is a need to be loved and accepted for our individuality, as it is, at every moment...and if we could perceive ourselves as complete in our fucked-upness, the world would be a better place. this is my path. to be ok with my shit, past present and future.
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